Dearest Morgan Rose Duhig,

Evenin' ButterRollz, the shit to my fat dog, moomoo-cah-choo, morgz, morgatron, biff, otherwise known as Sinden. Before I start talking deep shit and the like, I'd just like to take a moment to laugh out loud, not just at the hilarious shamrocktitteh comments of your messages, but at the intense irony that said cuntsmear happened to telephone me at the exact time that I was reading your message, I got the familiar scooped "heee-llo?" and replied "hey, it's mary" in a confused sort of way, to which I was responded with comforting beeping.
heh.
So, anyway.
There appears to be a lot more important things in my life and your life, our lives, or just a single life that happens to have two little heads, with unknown contents of things inside. I'd like to start by saying:
"I've always wondered what might happen if the sun exploded and sent our nine tiny planets flying accross the infinate universe like a humungous firework, possibly similar to the illicit chinese variety of minature explosive..." (1/2/10 ~ quote a-la my amelay diary)
At the time, I though that's how it would feel to be "in love." But now I know, that it is takes more of a resemblance to the feeling of missing you, my andere halb, but a more prolonged version, like, if the solar system exploded in 12 days.
So, my point here is, well I'm not entirely sure. I guess you just sort of mean more than the world to me, because if I write a list of things I missed in china:
my saxamaphone(s)
phonie
ipod
facebook
cereal
REAL bread (without excess sugar)
real milk, that didn't taste like gruel
baked beans
vegemite
Boost
WAFFLES
my dogs
Max Brenner
movies in english
not being constantly stared at
oporto chips
COFFEE
my bed
shower

if I think about how much I miss my friends, I could slot some of them in to this list, with most toward the top. But I missed you more than all of the missage of each thing put together is, times-d by infinity, plus 7.

So, enough of seedy mcseedatron marebear,
I have to tell you, I HAVE THE BEST PRESENT YOU WILL EVER RECIEVE, ever. [well maybe not..]
waiting in my bedroom, so call me to get it, yus?
and I have your clothes which you left her 3 weeks ago.
and I have a hug, waiting to embrace my sweet sweet moopoo.

I'm not sure what else to say, because I will ramble for months about the insane events of china, like seeing a small girl take her pants of and pee on the floor while waiting in a 2 and a half hour que which we were also standing in, and walking casually past a cage stuffed to the brim with chickens/pidgeons, and being stared at and photographed by random chinese people as if we were celebrities, and taking a dump in a squat toilet.

That is all, so until I see you next, here is my heart, handle it with care, and as it floats towards you I will say "be still my heart." Because that's a pretty lame injoke of ours, and GET IN MY BELLY.
<3 forever yours,
mary winifred osborn