Just to be clear, I am making a formal complaint to whoever's inchanrge here. The main point of my concern is regaurding the smiley face "8)". Everyone knows it represents our everyday peadophile with two simple clicks. So, why, on facebook chat, does it appear as this half-hearted "cool-dude-with-lame-ass-sunglasses-and-an-unpeadophillic-smile"?
This is wrong
But, there are other matters that deserve a place in my complaint, probably generally considered more important, but mainly because they're what a normal person would call "serious."
Firstly, why was I so desperately sad that time, yesturday was it? Sure, I was unceremoniously ditched, but apparently he replied to my facebook wall post, so it was an accident. Well, well, that makes it all better then?
Is better, weeping uncontrollably at "sad" parts of a frightening movie, while you listen to your friends deep, sleeping breaths beside you, wishing so hard that you could join her harmonious dreams, whilst thinking painfully about everything you tried to cut out of you're memories?
Yeah, that's wrong too.
I found out the other day, after loosing interesting in snake 2 (an hour really does take the susspense out of you're twice beaten high score), and memorising 6 friend's phone numbers, that one can infact text oneself.
I found it a bit worrying when I recieved at text from myself stating "I want to die."
So, I figured I should let you know, that things are getting a bit wrong, and I'd like you to fix them. Infact, I think it's your duty to fix them, because I don't want these wrong things to get me onto the naughty list.
Kind Regaurds,
Mare-Bear
Hello Mary.
ReplyDeleteI have reviewed your complaint with the highest respect.
I will try my best, to solve Facebook's version of the pedophilic man. They really have portrayed it inaccurately. This issue has been brought to my attention numerous times, and I shall see to it, before next Christmas, that it is resolved.
As for your more "serious" problem at hand, there is little I myself can do.
Santa's magic only works at Christmas, and even it, cannot stop the thousands of people from killing themselves during said festive season.
It cannot stop the families going broke around this time either, when they foolishly spend their entire savings making sure that their children get all the presents they'd wanted - trying to make sure that their money problem isn't discovered by their offspring (yet won't it eventually, when the kids come home to no electricity or water working in their homes?).
Yes, Santa's magic is powerful, and yes, I do feel as though I have a duty of care over the children of the world, but I believe that for this particular problem, you don't need the help of ancient powers. And I'm not saying you're on your own for this one either - because I have been watching you (seems like I should be pulling the "8)" face right now) - and I can see for myself, that you have an extraordinary network of people who care about you. Surely you could come to one of them, and spill your guts without meddling with the myths and riddles of what happens on Christmas Eve?
Maybe that lovely girl who works at the same kind of franchise as yourself? A friend of a friend, who you talk to occasionally, but often enough?
But please, do write again, as I enjoy these chats of ours.
Oh and Mary? You will never, be on the naughty list.
Fondest Respects,
Santa.